


On Your Mark

by KIImigi



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M for angst, M/M, Paralysis, hopefully
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:11:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6782932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KIImigi/pseuds/KIImigi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru gets into a car accident that leaves him paralyzed from the hip down and suddenly all his dreams are smashed.<br/>Makoto wants him to be okay, wants to comfort him but for once in his life he doesn't know how.</p>
<p>But sometimes you have to let yourself break down before you can build yourself up again...</p>
<p>---<br/>Haru let his eyes flutter open as the small droplets of water flowed over him as he sat on his room floor. All he really wanted was to take a long warm bath but he couldn’t manage to haul himself into the tub without the use of his legs. His legs…those useless things. Haru stared down at them, stretched out in front of him. Haru imagined himself getting up, walking, running, and swimming but still his useless legs wouldn’t budge an inch. He couldn’t even feel the water anymore. Letting his eyes close again, he tilts his head back a bit so that the shower spray hit him straight in the face. The water was one or two degrees a bit too hot. But at least like this – the familiar feeling of water washing over him- he could pretend for a while that everything was okay. That it was just the water and him. Just like before. Pretend that the aching feeling in his chest wasn’t there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Haru stared out of the cab window, watching the small water droplets roll off the car window. Once again Haru felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he vaguely remembered that he should be replying to his best friend’s worried calls. He’s probably worried sick. Its not every day Haru stayed out till midnight to swim. Haru merely sighed, continuing to stare out of the window watching the rain, he’d be home soon. He’ll call him back then.  
Haru heard a scream yanking him out of his daze. He only had time to catch sight of two glaring lights in the front screen before searing pain ripped its way through his body.  
Then everything went black

 

\---  
The hospital waiting room was thick with tension. Rei and Nagisa were sitting close together, Rei wiping away a few of Nagisa’s tears. Rin was pacing a frustrated oval. Hell he could have worn the floor out with all that pacing. A black haired couple sat a few chairs away holding each other in their arms.  
And Makoto.  
He was barely keeping it together.

Makoto bounced his knee up and down as he recalled the past few hours for the nth time. The worry since haru hadn’t been calling him back. The frantic call at 1am. The chill that went down his spine when he was told that Haru was in surgery after a car accident. The helplessness as he was forced to wait in a painfully quiet waiting room as his best friend could be fighting for his life. Makoto gripped his jeans even tighter, his knuckles white, as another wave of helplessness washed over him. The grip on his pants the only anchor stopping him from breaking Haru’s surgery door down and taking him somewhere safe. Somewhere away from here anywhere.

Haru’s parents would glance worriedly at the teens now and then but not once did they tell them to leave. They knew they won’t.

Hours past and Makoto could have sworn he would have lost his mind if the doctor had opened the door any second later. Haru’s parents were up first, at the doctor’s side in an instant. As much as Makoto wanted to be there, he stayed frozen in his chair staring dumbly at the small crowd.  
They were his parents, they deserved to know first.

They talked in quick hushed tones that Makoto couldn’t quite make out. Worry and fear plastered on their faces. Then Haru’s mom started crying.

Makoto felt his stomach drop

Why was she crying? That could only mean that- no! He’s not…he couldn’t be.  
Teary eyes glanced at the waiting group, who were all standing now. But no one said a thing as the doctor started to walk away as he left the dark haired couple to cry in each other’s arms.  
Panic overcame Makoto as the doctor started to walk away. Without trying to stop himself, makoto ran forward and grabbed at the doctors coat franticly/in near desperation. Cold eyes met his own green ones.

"Doctor please" Makoto pleaded "is he-" Makoto lowered his gaze to stare at the floor. Still holding onto the doctor’s coat makoto couldn’t bring himself to say it. Admit that there was a possibility that Haru could be gone. The one that gave everything meaning. The doc looked to the teens behind makoto then to Haru’s parents as if asking permission.

Looking back at Makoto, the doctor’s cold stare shivers down Makoto’s spine. The next words did much worse.

“Paralyzed. From the hip down" he said calmly like that meant nothing at all, placing a hand on Makoto shoulder in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture "but he’ll live" Makoto knew the doctor was trying to help but his words filled him with nothing but dread as his whole body started to shake.

If Haru was paralyzed how he could swim was the first thoughts that crossed his mind. Because swimming was everything to Haru. If he couldn’t swim Haru could never be happy again. Stripped of what he loved the most. He was better off dead. His life was over all his dreams gone. More than ever Makoto wanted to see Haru, wanted to take him away from this place. Where he could keep safe.

Behind him he heard Rin swear loudly followed by a loud crack that could only be Rin punching the wall  
He could hear that both Rei and Nagisa were crying now.  
And Makoto  
His world fell apart

 

\---  
Haru refused to see anyone

When haru was first discharged, Makoto didn’t even hesitate to sprint up those stone steps to see him, but when Haru’s mom politely turned him away at the door saying that Haru wanted to rest. Makoto simply smiled and gave his regards to his mom trying his best to keep the hurt off his face. Makoto understood if Haru needed his rest he would give that to him. But as he dragged himself down those steps again makoto couldn’t help the feeling of helplessness crawl back again, he made himself feel slightly better by dropping Haru a quick text when he got home.

Over the next few days, that chill in his spine only grew worse as time and time again haru would refuse to see him, even rin and nagisa came several times, his mom sending them away at the door giving only vague answers on how Haru was doing. And what made it worse was that Haru didn’t even text him back. Nagisa and Rei must have picked up on his destress because lately they have been acting strangely cheery around him, tip-toeing around his feeling so not to upset him further

Makoto was dragging himself back from school one day when his elderly neighbor stopped him.

“Good evening, Makoto”

“Oh! Hello.” Makoto snapping out of his daze, forcing a small smile on his face. It was only polite after all.

“I’ve heard about Haruka. Is he okay?”

“I-I don’t know” casting his eyes down, he felt terrible because it was true. Makoto had known everything about Haru for as long as he could remember and now that Haru had the biggest change in his life he had no idea.  
“Oh I’m sure he’s okay Makoto” she said, trying her best to cheer the teen up “his parents are with him, no?”

Makoto nodded

His neighbor tapped her chin as if in deep thought “his parents worked in Tokyo right?” continuing not waiting for Makoto’s answer “important jobs no doubt? I wonder if they’ll stay permanently this time? Good people the Nanese couple but very committed to their jobs, especially now.”

Makoto stiffened as he finally understood what she was implying, Haru’s parents would have to move back to Tokyo sooner or later in order to keep their jobs, to have enough money to pay for Haru’s medical supplies. They’ll probably hire a nurse to take care of him, stopping by when they could like they did now. That twisted in Makoto’s gut like a knife, the image of haru all alone in his house on the hill, with only a stranger looking after him as he pushed those who cared about his the most away. Not being able to do what he loved.  
Makoto couldn’t take it anymore, Makoto sprinted up those steps for the hundredth time, panting by the time he reached the top. Never had Makoto felt so nervous to knock on his best friends door before, he could already feel the tears pricking behind his eyes. His helplessness and fears manifesting themselves in tears.  
Taking a deep breath Makoto rapped his knuckles against the wooden door. He could hear movements behind the door and he took the opportunity to take another deep breath before the door slid open.

A dark haired women opened the door. She looked just like him. So much it hurt. Makoto caught sight of her red nose and blood shot eyes.

“Oh! Hello Makoto” she said wiping her nose trying desperately to cover the fact that she had been crying “Haru doesn-“

“Please Mrs. Nanese! Please let me see him” makoto interrupted in his desperation, bowing a full 90 degrees, completely ignoring the way his voice cracked as he stared at the ground.  
He heard Mrs. Nanese gasp before a heavy silence washed over them. Makoto was terrified that he would be turned away again- no. not this time. Makoto wasn’t leaving till he saw him.

“Come in makoto” she said stepping aside, making makoto straighten up. Makoto nodded his thanks, not trusting his own voice, as Mrs. Nanese led him upstairs.  
Mrs. Nanese glanced up at Makoto as they stopped outside of Haru’s door, hand hovering in a knocking position, just inches away from the door.  
“he-he hasn’t been doing well” Haru’s mom said in more of a statement than a warning. Makoto only stared down and nodded once again.  
She nodded back, understanding in her eyes she gently knocked on the door before pushing it open just a crack.  
“Haru “she said in a quiet comforting voice that reminded makoto of his own mother “Makoto’s here”

“I said I don’t-“

But before he could finish Makoto was already pushing his way into his room, planting himself in the middle of the room. And for the first time since the accident makoto made eye contact with Haru. And suddenly Makoto had the strongest urge to bury his friend in a giant bear hug.  
Haru sat in his bed, his legs covered by a thick blanket but it looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He looked tired, hell, he looked exhausted.

“Go away” he barely whispered as he broke eye contact, looking away to the window. Thankfully his mother had the sense to leave the two boys alone at this point.

“Haru” makoto whined as the dark haired boy refused to look at him

“Go away Makoto” Haru said, his voice eerily calm “I don’t want to talk to you.”

It felt like all the wind was knocked out of his lungs.

“Haru” makoto took a small step forward but as he saw Haru flinching, he forced himself to stop. Wanting to comfort haru but for once in his life not knowing how.

As the silence between them dragged on, Makoto could feel the panic in his chest rise. Haru had always been quiet but this…this was different. The short shallow breaths haru would take now and then and the way his hands gripped the hem of the blanket clear signals that Haru was hurting too.

“Um-we were all worried about you” Makoto said dumbly, not knowing what else to do “Rin wanted to come too but-“

“Shut up Makoto” Haru said in that quiet voice.

Immediately Makoto shut his mouth, Haru’s unusually harsh words slapping him across the face.

The silence draped over them once again, heavier this time

“Haru, p-please say something” tears almost streaming down his face. “Please don’t shut me out”

“It’s useless”

“Don’t say that, Haru” Makoto quickly said, stepping a bit closer.  
“But it’s true, Makoto!” Haru suddenly snapped, finally turning to face his best friend, pure desperation in his eyes “you know as well as I do.”

Makoto flinched back at the intensity of Haru’s feelings before stepping forward more, almost as desperate as haru “but we’re all here for you haru. Me, Rin, Nagisa, Rei, we’re all for you so how could it be!”

“We both know that I’m never going to swim again” Haru shouted again, sqeezing his eyes closed as if he couldn’t take it anymore, squeezing his eyes closed just as the tears started to flow “if I can’t swim what do I have?! What has it all been for?!” Haru’s voice cracking so badly at the end Makoto nearly didn’t understand the crying boy.

Makoto couldn’t take it, he ran forward enveloping Haru in his arms, pulling him as close as he could. He hated seeing Haru like this. Hated seeing him crumble.

“P-please don’t cry” Makoto whispered with a quivering breath, not being able to hold back his own tears

“What do I do now, Makoto? Tell me what to do.” Haru buried his face into Makoto’s shoulder, whimpering in a quiet voice.  
“I don’t know” Haru sounded so lost and scared that Makoto honestly wanted to have an answer for him. But he didn’t. “I don’t know, Haru. I’m sorry” tears streaming down his own face

He felt haru’s head shake against his shoulder, choking back a loud sob. This made Makoto hold him even tighter. They sat like that for what felt like hours, Makoto just letting Haru cry into his shoulder, his entire bosy shaking as he clutched at the back of Makoto’s shirt and Makoto holding onto Haru as if he would drift away.

Makoto hated this. Haru was falling apart and he had no idea what to do.

 

\---  
_Rin slapped Haru across his back-a bit too hard._

_“Why the long face, huh?”_

_Haru gave him a cold glare as he rubbed his shoulder._  
_“Isn’t this what we’ve been dreaming off? “He continued wrapping his arm across Haru’s shoulder._  
_With his arm still on Haru’s shoulder Rin steered both of them out of the locker room and into the light._  
_Haru blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting to the sudden change of lighting before shrugging Rin’s arm off his shoulder, readjusting his red and white jacket as Rin walked ahead of him._

_“Team Japan” clearly written on the back._

_“Oh and look your waifu is here” Rin said, head nodding towards the grand stands. Easily Haru found Makoto in the stands, their eyes locking almost immediately. Makoto flashed him one of his dazzling smiles that made Haru forget the screaming stadium. Haru allowed a small smile creep onto his own face._

_“On your mark”_

_Haru let out a small breath as he shrugged off his own Team Japan jacket and stepping on to the starting block. Only water in front of him now. Haru glanced to his side and Rin was right beside him, a competitive spark in his eyes._  
_Haru leaned forward, a lightness in his chest. Rin was right_

_“Get set”_

_He had been dreaming of this for a long time. Swimming in front of the world, Rin by his side and Makoto waiting for him at the finishing line. That was his dream_

_“Beep”_

\----

Haru let his eyes flutter open as the small droplets of water flowed over him as he sat on his room floor. All he really wanted was to take a long warm bath but he couldn’t manage to haul himself into the tub without the use of his legs. His legs…those useless things. Haru stared down at them, stretched out in front of him. Haru imagined himself getting up, walking, running, and swimming but still his useless legs wouldn’t budge an inch. He couldn’t even feel the water anymore. Letting his eyes close again, he tilts his head back a bit so that the shower spray hit him straight in the face. The water was one or two degrees a bit too hot. But at least like this – the familiar feeling of water washing over him- he could pretend for a while that everything was okay. That it was just the water and him. Just like before. Pretend that the aching feeling in his chest wasn’t there.

“Haru” came a knock the door, pulling him from the depths of his thoughts.

“Are you okay in there?”

_Just let me pretend_

“It’s me, makoto. If you need help just ask, okay? Haru?” Haru squeezed his eyes tighter. _Just let me pretend a little longer_. But the ache was still there. Because his dream was just that- a dream- and now with his useless legs there’s nothing he could do. He couldn’t even feel the water anymore.

“Haru?”

“I’m fine, Makoto” Haru said a bit too fiercely. Begrudgingly, Haru reached up from his sitting position, to flip off the shower. Thankfully, makoto didn’t come in as haru struggles to shimmy on his clothes. He must have taken 10x the needed time though. That down, Haru stared up at that dreadful chair. From his vantage point on the floor, the wheelchair standing nearby looked more menacing than it has ever looked in Haru’s life. As Haru literally crawled to the chair. He was secretly thankful for his strength born from years of swimming, if not Haru probably would have to call Makoto in for help. Not to say Haru didn’t have any difficulty. Haru could have sworn makoto was ready to kill himself just listening to the exhausted huffs and growling as Haru struggled to lift himself into the chair. Just as he was almost in, his hand slipped on the arm chair and Haru came crashing down onto the tiled floor. Letting out a loud swear as his elbow hit the floor hard in the attempt to catch himself.

“Haru!”

That was the last straw, as Makoto came barging into the bathroom, worry clear on his face when he saw Haru sprawled on the floor. Instinctively, Makoto quickly bent down next to Haru, Haru turning to prop himself on his elbow. The frustration nearly overwhelming.

“Haru, let me help you” Makoto said starting to wrap his arm around the other boy’s shoulders.

“I said I was fine!” Haru snapped for the second time, hitting Makoto’s hand away, only a bit of guilt crawled up his spine as he stared up into Makoto’s pained expression. “I can do it myself”

Haru could feel Makoto’s eyes on him as he crawled over to the wheelchair again. Only when he started to lift himself up did Makoto cast his eyes down, staring at the floor. Not being wanting to see his friend struggle so much.

Finally Haru managed to get the technique down and plopped into the seat. Makoto-still sitting on the floor finally pushed against one of his knees to stand.

“Do you want me to-” he started

“No” Haru cut in before he could finish, already knew what he was going to say, as he started to wheel himself out of the bathroom, the wheelchair only barely fitting past the door frame.

Makoto followed in eerie silence, well eerie for Makoto, he never kept this quiet. Haru glanced back at the taller boy, he looked so different from this angle. The chair made everything look different. Everything looked too big. Overwhelming. Haru guessed it’s because he was so much shorter now.

“Do-do want some food?” Makoto tested. Haru glanced back at the boy again.

“Sure” Haru nodded, even though he wasn’t that hungry, while he tried to navigate the tight corners of his house. The guiltiness that always followed when Makoto was upset lifting as Makoto put on a small smile, standing a bit taller. Squeezing past him to slide open the kitchen door as he and Haru came to the kitchen. Makoto opened the fridge, the fridge light illuminating his face as he searched through the small fridge.

 

“I guess I could make us some sandwiches” Makoto said fishing out some left over ham and cucumbers out of the fridge. At least Makoto couldn’t mess that up haru thought to himself.

“Hey Haru, could you help me get the plates?” Makoto said absent mindedly as he grabbed a knife and chopping board.

Haru merely nodded as he rolled into his kitchen. Only now then did he realize that his plates where in a less than convenient place for him to reach. But he couldn’t ask makoto for help now, as he glanced over to makoto, his brows were creased as he started to cut the cucumbers as if it was the most important job in the world. At least he was curling his fingers in, just like Haru had taught him. Haru sighed as he wheeled himself right to the edge of the counter top. He kept some of his plates stacked against the counter wall.

Haru used one hand to push himself up as far as possible, stretching his other out as far as he could. Even like thus this he couldn’t reach, his fingertips just grazing the plates. Haru let out a frustrated growl as he stretched himself even further, his arm now starting to shake from tiredness, but Haru could just get a slight grip on the plates now, slowly inching it towards himself. Just as he let as the smallest semblance of pride creep in he felt his entire world shift. Literally. Haru’s eyes went wide as his wheelchair started to roll back, he quickly lost his balance and he came crashing to the floor, plates and all.

Or he would have

If not for two strong arms wrapping around him milliseconds before the pair of them slammed onto the ground with a thud followed by the distinct sound of ceramic smashing.

Makoto was first to recover, the instinct to protect Haru overriding even his own pain, gripping Haru’s shoulders almost too tightly.

“Haru! Are you okay!? Are you hurt?” his eyes scanning the boy in his arms, but Haru stayed silent, merely staring up at Makoto with a dazed expression

“H-Haru?” Makoto stuttered as Haru slowly brought his hand up to his cheek, hovering there for a second before gently touching his skin. Makoto let out a hiss of pain. Haru immediately drew his hand back, fingers coming away red.

“Your hurt” Haru said.

Surprisingly –or maybe not- Makoto relied “its okay, Haru” putting a smile on “as long as you’re not”

Haru flinched at his words.

“Don’t say that” Haru said, looking to the side, ache pounding in his chest.

“Eh?” confusion painted over the brunette’s face.

“You got hurt because of me.”

Because of my legs. Their useless. I’m useless. I can’t even get a plate without messing up anymore! Haru screamed to himself. If he couldn’t even do this how could he possibly achieve his dream. All this plans ruined all because of a drunken driver.

“Haru” Makoto said, his voice low and serious. His green eyes piercing into Haru’s blue ones before softening just a bit “haven’t I always put those I’ve loved before myself? It doesn’t matter that you fell and I got hurt. You’ll get better and plus, I’ll always be here to help you.”

Haru’s eyes went wide, his iris quivering ever so slightly at Makoto’s words.

Haru nodded as Makoto slowly got to his feet, but not all the way though, just resting on one of his knees. “May I?” Makoto said, holding one hand out.  
Haru stared up at his smiling face for a while before nodding slightly. Slowly, Makoto looped his arms around Haru’s shoulders and under his leg, gently lifting him up before setting him down in his wheelchair, smiling down at him.

“Just remember to put the brakes on next time”

 

\---

Living in iwatobi was a perfect place to live. That is unless you’re in a wheelchair. If so it’s a nightmare

The once common stone steps Makoto and Haru scaled everyday together became a source of dread and embarrsement. Makoto having to carry haru up the stairs bridal style.

At least haru was getting out of his house now.

Honestly Haru didn’t mind the stairs that much, slowly getting used to the irritation caused by his disability. It didn’t hurt so much anymore

What really hurt was swimming practice.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa yelled as he practically threw himself onto Haru, forcing Haru to take his leaping hug straight on, trapped in his chair. But it was expected behavior from Nagisa, this was the first had seen the swim team since the accident.

“Haru-Chan! We were so worried about you! There was the accident then you didn’t want to see anyone and Mako-chan was all worried which made me and Rei-Chan even more worried and haru your legs! You can’t swim-“ Nagisa slapped his hand over his mouth, finally releasing Haru “I-I’m sorry Haru-Chan”

Haru simply looked away, pushing past the lump in his throat to mumble a simply “It’s fine”  
But deep down Haru knew Nagisa was right- he couldn’t swim anymore. Haru didn’t trust himself not to fall apart as Nagisa stared at him with pity filled eyes.

But thankfully Makoto was there to save him

“It’s alright Nagisa “ laying a hand on the shorter boys shoulder, steering him back, Nagisa looked up at him, then back to Haru “let’s go join rei in stretching, okay?”

_Give Haru his space_

As Makoto led Nagisa away, Haru doubted anyone else could have noticed it but Makoto glanced back worriedly, checking on Haru

_Are you okay with this?_

Haru simply nodded back

_I am. For now_

It was weird to sit out on training. Haru had always been the first to dive in and last on to leave after all. But now he had no choice but to sit on the side lines.  
As the threesome finished stretching, Makoto glancing over now and then, they started swimming. Haru wanted more and more to get into the water. Feel its presence. Let it surround him. Get lost in it.

Slowly he wheeled himself closer to the edge. Then besides his better judgements Haru lowered himself from his chair, lowering himself to the floor with no concern for the way he looked. He awkwardly shimmed forwards his arms to drag himself right to the edge of the pool. He just needed to feel it. Using his hands he moved his legs so that the water licked against his shins.

Nothing

He couldn’t feel it. Why couldn’t he feel it? The ache in his chest was back and all Haru wanted to do was scream and cry because he knew Nagisa was right and it was all so unfair…

Haru sat with his legs dangling in the water for the rest of the training, watching his friends swim up and down repeatedly. The ache only getting stronger, he should be the one in there. That’s where he belonged. He couldn’t do this anymore!

Haru was wretched out of his nightmares again by a familiar voice

“Haru?” makoto stared up at him, brown hair plastered to his forehead, green goggles resting around his neck. His eyes spoke for him again.

_Are you okay._

It seemed like that all Makoto asked now a days.

Haru wanted to scream. No! No he wasn’t! How could he ever be okay without swimming! Without his dream?

Haru closed his eyes so Makoto couldn’t read him so easily, shaking his head ever so slightly. He heard Makoto’s breathe hitch.

“C-can you take me home? I-I want to go” Haru whispered, ashamed how pathetic he sounded. Running from the thing he used to love.

Without hesitation, Makoto hoisted himself out of the pool dripping wet and with wordless permission from Haru, wrapped his arms around him and lifted Haru up placing him gently back into his personal prison. And started to push his away.  
\--

“Haru, Rin invited us to Samezuka training again” Makoto stared at his phone. It had been sometime since Iwatobi trained with Samezuka academy. Haru wondered if Rin wanted to see him or not?

“I don’t want to go.”

“But don’t you want to see Rin?”

“I still don’t want to go” Haru snapped, a little too fiercely.

Makoto’s face visibly fell before he picked it up with a semi-forced smile “okay than, we won’t go. Sorry for pushing, Haru”

Haru let out a frustrated huff. He hated when Makoto did that. He knew Makoto really wanted to go and train with Rin again but of course since it was Makoto he wouldn’t because it was inconveniencing others. So damn selfless. Haru let a sigh “fine, I’ll go”

And by the way Makoto’s face lit up, it was almost worth it.

\---  
Thank god Samezuka academy had ramps was all Haru could think of, as he wheeled himself up a ramp into the samesuke indoor pool. The familiar smell of chlorine and sweat hit Haru like a brick wall.

He didn’t want to come. Didn’t want yet another reminder of his dream being gone.

But Makoto wanted to come to the joint practice. He would have felt bad about leaving Haru behind, which in turn made Haru feel bad. So he came.

Rei, Nagisa and Makoto all dumped their bags into a corner before fishing out their swimsuits. Makoto told him that he’d be right back before jogging to the locker room.

Haru let out a sigh as the threesome disappeared into the locker room. Samezuka always felt different. So much more lively, filled with activity and competitive energy. Filled with fire. Just like their captain. Unconsciously, Haru’s eyes swept across the pool area from where he sat until he found a certain red head.

All this time he had been keeping to the other side of the pool. Avoiding Haru but as he stepped onto the starting block again Haru caught Rin’s glance as they stared at each other for a while. An indescribable look sweeps over Rin’s face, before he scoffs, snaps his goggles on and dives. His strokes a bit angrier than usual. Just like last year.

Then it hit’s haru

He’ll never swim with Rin again. He’ll never see that sight ever again.  
And all over again his world goes dark leaving behind the ache in his chest and the numbness in his legs.

“Rin hasn’t changed" Makoto said interrupting Haru’s thoughts.  
"He’s avoiding me" Haru said turning, blinking away the tears that started to form at the corners of his eyes.

"Hey Haru, are you alright, you don’t have to-" Makoto started, walking to stand in front of Haru. Haru was grateful for the small action we makoto purposely positioned himself that way to block haru from any prying eyes  
Hari simply shook his head

Makoto opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a loud whistle signaling the start of training. Makoto glanced to where Rei and Nagisa were waiting before turning back to Haru. Haru knew he wanted to stay.  
"Go." Haru said, head nodding to the pool. But Makoto refused to move. He didn’t want to leave, he wanted to stay to make sure that Haru was alright because he obviously wasn’t.

"I'll be fine. Just go Makoto. They need you." Haru continued, careful to keep his voice monotonous.  
Reluctantly, Makoto stood to go, giving Haru one last encouraging squeeze on his shoulder before leaving.

Training quickly started and yet again Haru felt miserable sitting on the sidelines. Now and then Haruka would catch Rin or Makoto throwing him weird glances but the more he sat and watched the more frustrated he became. So much so that he was nearly shaking. Maybe he should go for a stroll, get some fresh air, away from the smells and sounds. Anywhere was better than here.  
Just as Haru was about to push himself off when a hand clasped down on his shoulder. At first Haru thought it was Makoto back to check on him but he caught sight of the orca talking to Rin on the opposite side of the pool.

Glancing up, Haru didn’t immediately recognize him. The man above him had sharp features and a mustache that clung to his upper lip. Samezuka's coach. Haru remembered Rin joking about that moustache once or twice and actually he had talked to Haru once or twice, once he even tried to recruit him.  
No doubt he was happy now though, seeing that some stiff competition was just removed from the scene.

“How’ve you been doin?" His voice comforting, further putting Haru on edge.

"As good as I can"

The coach parted his shoulder again as if in understanding. His eyes softened a bit "at least you’re still with us" Haru flinched at that. He had never considered that he could be dead right now. He was so concentrated on what he had lost.

"How’s your team doing?"

“They’ve been training hard”

“It good to see that Tachibana got over his fear.”

_Fear_

“Makoto?” haru said puzzled

That’s right, Samezuka’s coach worked at IWSC for a short while, it seemed everything was connected to that place. He couldn’t believe that he forgot, especially with that mustache.

“It seems that he’s grown into quite a strong young man. I would never had imagined timid young Tachibana to grow up into such a…specimen.” was all the coach said before proceeding to laugh at his own joke.

Makoto is still a scaredy cat Haru thought to himself.

The coach slapped his shoulder again. It was actually getting pretty irritating. If Haru wasn’t in this chair he would have probably stepped back out of reach. “Well can’t let those childish fears get the best of you, right?”

 _Fear_  
There it was again

Haru nodded

It kept coming up: _Fear_

The coach was right, Makoto was scared of the water. But what was different?  
It’s useless without you

That’s right, makoto swam for Haruka, so he could stay close to him. He had purpose. A dream. And he never let his fear keep him from it. Even when he was so scared that he would freeze up. He had just swam faster, swam backstroke, and just tried harder.

Haru’s eyes went wide as he finally realized it

He’d been letting his fears paralyze him. He’d been so stupid! Blaming his legs when it was just his own fear and doubt. Fear of losing what he had.

“Yo” Haru looked up at his old rival. Well technically he’s still his rival. Haru blinked

“H-how you doin?”

Haru shrugged “alright I guess, you?”

Rin looked surprised by his question but who could blame him, Haru knew Rin had no control of his emotions “I guess I just missed you”

“It’s your fault for not visiting me” Haru said with a smirk and a shrug

“WHATTT! You’re the one who refused to see anyone!”

“Makoto visited everyday till I let him” Haru said leaving out that Makoto practically refused to leave till Haru talked to him. Just then Makoto strolled over, brushing his wet bangs off his forehead.

“You seem better, Haru” Makoto said smiling, and for the first time since the accident Haru smiled at Makoto, stopping him in his tracks

Haru nodded “Makoto, Rin I want to talk to you guys later.”

 

\--

Haruka nanese would often act on impulse and would stick with that decision till the end.

“I want to swim again” Haru said in his normal monotouns tone.

Makoto nearly choked on the food he was eating and Rin actually knocked his glass over in his shock, spilling water all over the table

“EH!” both shouted at the same time

Haru sighed, his friends were so dramatic.

“I’m not going to get any better so I might as well get used to it so I’ve been thinking... that people with much more severe disabilities have swum so why can’t I? And you two are the most educated and experience in swimming so…” Haru looked to the side, embarrassed “…would you teach me how to swim again.”

“EHHHHH!!!!”

Seriously so dramatic

Haru had purposely chosen to tell them while eating out so they wouldn’t shout so loud. So much for that plan.

Makoto and Rin shared a look with each other. Haru, dolphin child Haruka Nanese was asking them to teach him how to swim. That’s definitely something they never expected to hear.

“So, Makoto, Rin, will you help me?” Haru said looking back at them.

Makoto was first to recover “of course Haru, you know I’ll always be here for you” giving a smile that could make anyone’s heart flutter.

“Rin?” Haru said turning to the shark teethed teen.

Rin stared at Haru for a long time, weird expression plastered on his face. Seriously, Rin could never understand haru. One second you think he’s given up, the next he’s bounced back better than before, faster and more determined. Honestly, he was a monster.

Rin scoffed, rolling his eyes but let a wicked smile return to his face  
“You’re on”

They finished their meal quickly after that, Makoto and Rin chatting happily now that they knew their friends was going to be alright, while Haru quietly ate his meal only adding a comment when necessary.

By the time they were done, the sun was already starting to sink behind the horizon, Makoto and Haru walked Rin to the train station. Rin had offered to help with Haru but Makoto quickly declined and thankfully for him Rin was quick on the up take. Waving goodbye they settled on meeting at the Iwatobi’s pool after school to start teaching the dolphin to swim again. Rin shook his head again at the absurdity at that. He’ll never really get used to it, before disappearing into a train.

"Shall we?" Makoto asked sweetly, waiting for Haru to nod before taking the handles of his wheelchair, the shorter boy finally letting Makoto push him around.

The walk home was quiet. Peaceful and quiet. Thoughtful silence fell in-between them, Haru’s tension finally gone.

But not Makoto's

Ever since Haru had declared his wish at the restraunt, only one question hung at the back of his mind.

"Haru?"

"Hmm" Haru hummed his reply, still staring off into the ocean.

"Haru a-are you really okay with this? You don’t need to feel like you have to rush anything, you know."

"Makoto" that’s all he said. But years have taught him how to read Haru well.

_It’s okay Makoto, this is what I want. It’ll be fine. Don’t be worried._

The silence dragged on from a bit more before Makoto spoke up again.

"Why?" His voice barely a whisper. He needed to know. He was happy and proud that Haru was getting better but fear tickled the back of his head that Haru was pushing too hard and too fast. It was only nearly 2 months since he left the hospital. Was he really ready for this?

"Because of you"

"Huh?" Him? What did do? All he did was make sure that Haru got up in the morning, and helped him down stairs.

"Because you swim" he continued. Oh no! Did Makoto pressure Haru into doing something he didn’t want? He knew Haru was upset when he saw others swim, that it just reminded him of what he lost. Was he jealous of him and Rin? “Because you kept swimming even though you thought there was something in the water."

Haru glanced back to see Makoto's green eyes full of confusion. He didn’t get it. Haru let of a little frustrated puff. Makoto never understood how much he meant to him. Always worrying. But Because of him, because of this orca boy, He was going to swim again.  
\--  
It was late at night when Rin started to text Makoto.

R: yo  
M: hey rin, what’s up?  
R: Are you sure about this  
M:???  
R: about Haru wanting to swim again. Wasn’t he the one all mopey and avoiding swimming?  
M: I-i don’t know Rin  
M: We just got to trust him. We’ll just see how it goes tomorrow. And take it from there  
R: always the loyal dog  
M eh?! What’s that supposed to mean?!  
R: nothing  
R: well see ya tmr, I’ve got work to do  
M: see you tomorrow Rin


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to write a scene where Haru's parents leave, but by now they have already moved back to Tokyo. But there's no hard feelings, they agreed with Haru that it was alright for them to leave and Makoto reassured them that he will look after Haru. (They tried to offer him some money for the trouble but of course he turned it down politely)

Haru sat with his legs in the pool but this time there was no ache or fear, this time Haru was shivering with anticipation.

"You can do it, Haru-chan!!!" Nagisa called out from the other side of the pool where he and Rei sat. Haru nodded in their direction before turning to stare at the water.

It felt weird. All of this felt weird. 

“Are you ready?” Makoto smiled as he waded towards Haru, hand outstretched to help Haru into the pool.

It was all so weird, didn’t Makoto usually help him out of the pool not in. It felt all wrong.

Haru Nodded. He didn’t struggle into his jammers for 30 minutes just to back out now. Taking Makoto’s hand in his own, Haru used his other free hand to push of the edge of the pool and all of sudden everything went dark. Wet. Cold. The water. It surrounded and wrapped around him as his head fell below the surface.

The water is alive.Once you dive in, it will immediately bare its fangs and attack.

 

Instinctively Haru tried to kick of the bottom with his feet but nothing happened and Haru kept sinking deeper and deeper. Haru felt his heart beat pick up, his lungs already burning starved for air. This was it, he was going to drown, he was going to die- 

 

But, there's nothing to fear. Don't resist the water

Just as Haru was going to panic he felt strong arms wrap around him, dragging him up. Coughing and sputtering, Haru barely registered Makoto rubbing small circles on his back till he slowly regained his breath. 

"You okay?"

"Hey fish brain! Remember you don’t have your legs anymore!" Rin’s sharp voice interrupted before he could say anything. Haru shot a scowl to where the red head was walking out of the club room, all the while clinging to Makoto, but honestly that insult felt like a slap across his face. 

“You okay, Haru" Makoto asked again.

"Yeah. J-Just give me a second." 

Makoto said nothing but Haru felt immediately comforted as Haru felt the two strong arms around him tightened just a fraction, the only things keeping him afloat right now. Haru continued to cling to Makoto as he slowly adjusted to the odd sensation of not being able to feel anything below his waist. The feeling of water foreign against his numb legs.

A splash erupted in the background, no doubt Rin jumping into the pool, making Haru jump.

"You ready?" Rin asked as he waded to them, ducking beneath one of the lane dividers. Haru glanced up at Makoto, reassuring eyes meeting his. Makoto was still giving him an out. Haru nodded.

"Okay, I want you to thread water the best you can while I explain this" Rin commanded. Commanded? When did rin get so bossy?

"You can let go now, Makoto" Rin said.

Haru took a deep breath reminding himself that he had to rely solely on his arm as Makoto slowly released him. Instinct took over again and Haru slowly moved his arms around himself, threading water to keep his head afloat. Makoto all the while hovering protectively near him.

Clapping his hands together Rin continued, "Last night I stayed up till 3 am in the morning to research this so listen up-" 

"You didn’t have to stay up so late Rin. You have school too, you know" Makoto fussed as Haru continued to thread water arms getting slightly tired without the aid of his legs.

"Since you have to rely solely on your arms I want to build up those muscles quickly. That part is easy. And we can assume that you can still float so the main issue is your legs. We can’t just have your bottom half trailing behind so what I suggest is that we modify the dolphin kick a bit" Rin continued completely ignoring Makoto "since the dolphin kick is mostly based in the core muscles, so if you focus on powerful but infrequent kicks it should give you the extra boost and also that way it won’t collide with your strokes that much. You still only swim freestyle, right?"

Haru nodded

"Makoto!" Rin suddenly snapped

"Yes!" Makoto jumped like a teacher had just caught him for sleepying in class. (Which he never did)

Rin let out sigh, he had forgotten how easily this wall of muscle got scared "I’m going to need you to tow Haru for now, I want him to focus on just the movements first."

"Okay!" Makoto replied in a manner not unfamiliar to a kindergarten kid agreeing with his teacher. Makoto probably forgot that he was co-coach by now.

Haru let Makoto gently take his hand stretching it out infront of him. Haru secrelty thankful, his arms were pretty tired from all that treading. Makoto slowly started to pull him through the water, Haru starting to move his hips. Haru really did try and follow the instructions Rin had given him but as much as he tried he never met Rin’s expectations. Who was shouting constantly instructions from the sidelines.

Rin had always been the most technical swimmer after all, always looking into techniques and theory before trying out something new (maybe that’s why he and Rei got along so well)

Everything Haru was not.

"Chest down, hips up! Are you even listening to me, Haru!?" Rin shouted frustrated at his uncooperative student.

Haru shot him the coldest scowl that he could.

"You can do it Haruka-senpai"  
"Go Haru-chan!"  
"Don’t give up Haruka!”  
All three of the second year students cheered from the sidelines

Gou having come sometime later with a video camera to film Haru’s progress so he can analyses it later and any other shenanigans that could occur during their trainings. 

"How about we take a break?” Makoto said hearing Haru’s frustrated growl as they reached the end of the pool for the n-th time. Haru wanted to swim not get towed around.

"No! If you keep babying him he’s never going to learn! "

Haru let out a growl again. He hated how bossy Rin became when he was a coach. Rin was his friend but he was his rival too. Which made for more than a few conflicted feeling when it came to Rin acting like Haru was so helpless in the water. It lit a spark in him. All it made him want to do was to push himself harder, swim faster and go longer but all this technical stuff conflicted with Haru every single step of the way. It felt all wrong. It was all so troublesome. He just needed to feel the water. 

"Hey Haru, I’m going let go now."

"What?!" Haru’s eyes widened, tightening his grip on Makoto’s hands earning him a small chuckle from Makoto.

"It’s okay, I’ll still be here. I just want to let you try by yourself for now. These types of technical stuff never really worked for you anyway" Haru stared up at Makoto. How was it that he always knew what he was thinking? “Just trust in your instincts, you have always been the best in the water" another chuckle filled the air “but don’t completely forget what Rin taught you, okay?" 

"Okay" Haru mumbled back as Makoto helped him turn around.

"You ready? Okay, one, two, and three" 

And all of a sudden Haru felt himself sink again but this time Haru was ready, he moved his hips the way Rin had told him too. Chest up, hip down, chest down, hip up. With a single set of strong kicks Haru was gone, taken in a weird blend of instincts and technicality. Haru rolled his body through the water. His arms. His chest. His hips. His numb legs. Letting himself be pushed and helped by the water. Chest up, hip down. And before he knew it his hand touched the opposite wall, Haru’s head breaking the surface with a gasp, holding onto the land dividers.

Haru could hear Kou, Nagisa and Rei whooping and cheering crazily on the side. He was honestly surprised Nagisa didn’t jump into the pool and to hug him. 

“Not too shabby" he heard rin say, smirking. And Haru gave him a triumphant look.

And finally Haru made eye contact with Makoto who was smiling one of the biggest smiles Haru had ever seen and it took Haru’s breath away. Haru let his eyes slip shut still clinging to the lane dividers, letting a small smile on his face. 

If Rin lit a spark in him then Makoto was the air that helped fan that flame. Air was needed. It supported life. And Haru knew Makoto would support him no matter what, even when he had given up on himself. It made him feel like he could take on the world.

Haru smiled.

He was swimming because Rin pushed him and Makoto had supported him. He was swimming again. For the first time in forever he didn’t feel paralysed. He was free again.  
\---

He had never felt so sore in his life. Haru lay in bed not wanting to get up and move because of the soreness that throbbed throughout his body. He had put it down to his arms and stomach having to work extra hard because be didn’t have his legs anymore to help him.

Haru let his eyes slip closed. He didn’t have to get up yet. Just a little bit longer before Makoto would come to wake him up.

But just as he got comfortable again a smell caught Haru’s attention. Groaning as he propped himself on one elbow, Haruka sniffed the air.

Burning. Something was burning

Wincing as he pulled himself out of bed and into his chair where he had parked it the night before, his sore muscles not thanking him at all for the extra movements, Haru quickly wheeled out of his room.

"Makoto?" Haru called worriedly. 

But all he got in reply was a shrill yelp from the kitchen. Haru had gotten better at navigating his wheelchair and was in the kitchen in no time. But when he arrived he could barely stop himself from laughing.

Makoto stood with his back to him, but he could tell that he was obviously in distress by the way he was hopping up and down making all sorts of panic sounds that were all too Makoto-like. But other than Makoto’s distress Haru could see that there was no serious threat.

"Good morning Makoto"

Makoto yelped at the sudden noise and bumped his elbow on the cupboard in the process causing him to cry out in pain. Honestly, Makoto was too clumsy for his own good.

"H-hello Haru" Makoto greeted, rubbing his elbow, as Haru rolled up to him. Makoto watched as Haru craned his neck to see the disaster he had just created.

Two mackerel lay on Haru’s stove. Well they were once mackerel, now they could hardly be called that anymore. Now they were little more than a pair of charred lumps.

"What did you do?" Haru said with honest curiousity. He had no idea how someone could mess up cooking this badly. If Makoto tried he could probarly burn water.

"You’re trying hard to improve his swimming so I thought I’d surprise you with breakfast and try to improve on my cooking so that I can help you out more" Makoto said rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment 

“Eh! Don’t try it!" Makoto near screamed as Haru popped a piece into his mouth.

Makoto watched him for any reaction as he started to chew.

And boy, did he get one.

Never had Makoto seen such as face of digest. Haru continued to chew, his face scrunching out and he looked like he was trying his best not to spit it out that instance.

"Haru! Don’t force yourself to eat it! Just spit it out! Haru it’s not good for you!" Makoto fussed over the black-haired boy as he continued to refuse it spit it out. Finally Haru managed to force himself to swallow the heavily burnt fish. Letting out a sigh of relief as Makoto passed him a cup of water. 

"Haru! Why did you do that?! Don’t you know eating burnt stuff is bad for you?"

"Because you made it but I’m going to starve if I have to rely on your cooking forever" Haru said bluntly as he finished gulping his water.

But for whatever reason this made Makoto laugh

"Hahahaha. I know, I’ve always been useless in the kitchen even after you taught me."

Haru's eyes went wide. He just realized he hadn’t heard Makoto’s laugh in a long time. It was probably because he was stressing over Haru until recently. He had almost forgotten how it sounded liked.

"Bring the stove to the coffee table" Haru said bluntly, not waiting for an answer as he started to roll out into his living room.

“Why?"

"Because I can’t reach if it’s on the counter." 

Haru rolled out into his living room, stopping just in front of the coffee table before starting to lower himself onto the floor. He had actually gotten quite good with getting in and out of his chair now. But as he did he couldn’t stop himself flinching at the strain on his sore muscles.

"You okay?" Makoto asked setting the portable cooker in front of Haru along with a new pair of fish

"Yeah, just sore that’s all" Haru said rubbing his tense shoulder before readjusting his legs to fit under the table.

"Could you grab the oil?" Haru asked and in an instant Makoto had fetched it for him. Nodding his thanks, he started preparing their breakfast for them.

"One day you have to teach me how to cook again" Makoto said with a smile. Haru hummed glancing up to see makoto watching him with a look in his eyes. 

"You know you don’t have to look after me." Haru said not looking up from the stove. 

"Yeah. But I want to" He said settling in on the opposite side of the table. 

Haru didn’t know whether to smile or sigh.

After a while, Haru had finished one of the mackerels and placed it the plate Makoto had provided. He would have finished it faster usually but he wasn’t used to cooking sitting down plus his muscles where giving him more trouble than he expected.

As if reading his mind, Makoto got up and rounded the table, settling again right behind Haru.

"Tell me where it hurts" Makoto said already working his strong thumbs into Haru’s sore shoulders. 

"Makoto I’m cooking" Haru warned.

But Makoto refused to let up.

Continuing to work on his sore muscles. This wasn’t the first time they had done this, so many times had Makoto or Haru had been pained with sore muscles after a hard training and the other would always help. 

So Makoto knew what he was doing.

With practiced ease, Makoto worked his thumbs around Haru’s shoulders, never stopping at one point for long, trying to find where it was affected the most. 

Haru tried his best to focus on cooking but couldn’t help but wriggle under his grasp when Makoto pressed down a bit too hard on one of his muscles, Makoto didn’t know his own strength sometimes. But honestly it did feel much better. 

"Did you feel that?" Makoto asked randomly. How could he not, he had been working in his muscles for about 10 mins now, even though Haru had finished frying the fish by now.

"Of course, it feels much better. Thanks Makoto"  
"No, not that" sensing Haru and him were not on the same page. “I was touching your hip."

Haru froze. Now that he thought of it only one of Makoto’s hands were on his shoulder, glancing down he noticed Makoto’s hand resting near his hip.

Nothing. He hadn’t felt anything.

Sensing his discomfort Makoto removed his hands from both his hip and shoulder and was about to stand when Haru spoke.

"Could you touch it again?"  
"Huh?"  
"I just want to try"

Without another word Makoto moved his hand so it rested comfortably in his hip. He had just felt Makoto’s hands on his shoulder so why can’t he feel it on his legs. It was weird. Then it struck Haru. This was probably the first time he had let someone touched his legs since the accident. Sure Makoto and sometimes Rin would carry him about but that didn’t really count. Did that mean he was finally starting to accept it? That was good, right?

Makoto couldn’t help but smile at Haru’s back. He’d noticed Haru’s switch in mood lately. He had been more…enthusiastic lately. Well as enthusiastic as Haruka Nanase usually got. Swimming really did mean a lot to Haru.

*Buzz buzz*

A small buzzing sound interrupted the moment as Makoto got up to answer his phone.

“Oh, Kou just sent the training videos over” Makoto said looking down at his phone “do you want to watch them?”

“Sure. Why not?” Haru replied with a shrug.

They finish eating quickly after that, Makoto helping to carry Haru to the couch, Haru instinctively wrapping his arms around Makoto’s neck as he was lifted up before he was set down gently on the couch. Makoto settling down next to him, holding up the phone for both of them to see. But Haru wasn’t really listening rather he was just enjoying hanging around with Makoto and thinking about the next time he’ll get to swim. It was more for Makoto anyways, who had been ordered by Rin to check for any mistakes in Haru’s form so that they could correct it the next training. Plus the shark already knew Haru won’t learn from a video. 

They spent most of the day like that, huddled on the couch, going over the videos, Haru eventually resting his head on Makoto’s shoulder. After they finished the videos, going over them several times, Makoto reached over for the TV remote and flipped the TV on. They stayed like that for the rest of the day watching TV, just spending a lazy day together, enjoying each other’s presence, occasionally talking about little random topics.

Long after the moon had come out again, Makoto got the sense that Haru was getting tired and flipped the TV off just as Haru let out a giant yawn.

Makoto couldn’t help but chuckle as he thought about how much Haru resembled a cat sometimes. Temperamental. His love of fish. And the way was he curled up on the couch, the black-haired teen having brought his paralyzed legs up to his chest in a comfortable position. It all reminded Makoto of a cat. A cat that loved water.

"You tired?" Makoto asked "it’s probably because you trained so hard yesterday. You were pretty worn out."

But haru simply hummed his reply again, shifting abit which caused his bangs to fall in front of his eyes. 

"I’ll go so you can sleep, okay Haru-chan?" But Haru was too tired to even tell him to not call him by his childhood name. "Ren and Ran probably want me to tuck them in anyways.” 

Haru smiled at that. Makoto would make a great dad one day. 

"Good night, Makoto" Haru said his lead lolling to the back of his sofa as Makoto got up from the sofa. It felt different somehow, with all that weight suddenly gone.

Makoto smiled down at him, leaning down to push Haru’s hair out of his eyes "Rest well, Haru" he barely whispered before turning and leaving, turning one last time to say goodbye before the door clicked close behind him. 

With Makoto gone his house felt a little bit quieter. Empty. Lazily Haru slid down his couch, plopping down so he lay curled up on his side. He was too tired to haul himself back to his bed. Makoto wouldn’t approve but he’d just sleep out here tonight. Haru let his eyes slip shut, using his arm as a pillow. But strangely he couldn’t fall asleep. Haru tossed and turned but no matter what he couldn’t fall asleep. With a frustrated puff Haru reached for his phone in darkness of his house, the light from his screen illuminating his face. 

Scrolling through his contacts he thought of messaging Makoto but thought he already spent the entire day with him so he quickly found Rin’s name.

Haru started typing a message before deleting the entire thing before re-typing a new message just to delete that too. Haru let out another frustrated huff. Words are hard. That’s why he had Makoto. 

 

Absent mindedly he stated replaying the clips Kou had sent them, a small smile crawling on to his face as he stared at the small screen. He was glad they had captured these precious moments. Closed his eyes, curled around his phone just listening to the audio at this point. But every time he heard one of his friends his heart just swelled with a strange peacefulness that Haru hadn’t felt in a long time.

Rin barking orders and Makoto giving support in the distance. Rei and Nagisa bantering the entire time.  
Their happy voices filled the emptiness and wrapped around him like a blanket. Haru smiled a smile into the darkness.

“I want to swim with you” 

Haru opened his eyes again staring into the darkness. Why did he remember that all of a sudden?  
That’s right Makoto swam to be with him. To be with his friends.

Somehow Haru found himself staring at his ceiling in the dark but still he wasn’t sleepy. If anything he was more awake. He could try counting mackerels that used to work.

"If you swim with me, I'll show you a sight you've never seen before!"

"Teach me how to swim like you" 

"We should start a swimming club"

Why do I swim? Haru thought as he stared into the abyss. He’d just started swimming again and nothing had made haru happier but it didn’t feel as fulfilling as he had thought it would be. It somehow felt like when Makoto got up from the sofa earlier. Something that had been there wasn’t anymore. Something important. What do I do now?

He never cared about timings. He just wanted to swim. He wanted all of it. All of the water. To let it consume him and set he free. He wanted more. And he wanted it now. 

As long as i swim it’ll be alright  
Swimming is all I got 

But was he ready to take the next step already?

Before he could stop himself, Haru had picked his phone up again and had started to text a certain red head.

 

To: Gou  
From: Haru  
H: I want to compete in a competition  
G: But Haruka-senpai your legs…  
H: It doesn’t matter  
G: I don’t know if we have any para competitions, Haruka- senpai  
H: it doesn’t matter

Haru took a long pause trying to collect himself before adding an extra text

H: Please

There was a long pause, each second Haru stared at his phone the more restless he got as he silently prayed that Gou picked up on how desperate he was.

G: I’ll try

Haru felt a wave of relief wash over him. 

H: Thank you Kou

After that Haru finally slipped into a dreamless sleep.

\---

 

Of course he had told the team of his decision and of course they had all supported him now all they needed to do is wait for an answer. Luckily for him, it was only a few days later that Haru finally got his answer.

"So how is Haruka-senpai adjusting lately" Rei asked adjusting his glasses. The entire swimming club with the addition of Rin were currently sitting in a small cafe which was surprisingly one of the only places in Iwatobi they had discovered that was wheelchair friendly. Needless to say they ate there on a regular basis now, not to mention they had a pretty decent menu with lots of mackerel. 

Haru simply shrugged "Fine. Some things are more difficult than others."

"Oh? Like what?" Nagisa chirped in a tone that could only imply one thing.

"Nagisaaa” Rei and Makoto said at the same time but Makoto was probably 100 percent more embarrassed than Rei.

"Hmmm, Makoto carries me around the house sometimes so it’s not so bad" 

"Haruuu" Makoto whined his face going completely red "Don’t tell them that!"

"But it’s true. It’s too troublesome to wheel myself around all the time." 

"Yeah but still-"

"You’re such a lazy ass sometimes you know that right haru" Rin interrupted taking a bite out of his burger. 

Haru shot him a glare “You try rolling yourself around all day.”

Rin scoffed “Bet you use that excuse to get Makoto to do your laundry" 

"He does do my laundry" Haru said flatly “I fold it while he puts it away in the cupboards."

"Oh god! You two are more of married couple than before!" Rin said throwing his hands up in defeat. 

"Aww Mako-chan is so sweet taking care of Haru-chan. It’s like he’s Haru’s house wife" Nagisa said cheerfully. 

"He only helps out" Haru mumbled 

On the other hand Makoto had dissolved into a puddle of embarrassment through the course of conversation, burying his face in his hands and making little embarrassed noises.

But just as Rin was about to open his mouth Gou burst through the cafe doors. 

“Haruka-senpai!" Gou called making a bee line for their table. Stopping to catch her breath in front them.

"Kou?! What’s up?" Rin asked seeing his sister all flustered. 

"I got you a match!" 

Haru’s eyes widened. Already he could feel the bubble of excitement he denied he got whenever he entered a competition rise in his chest.

"How? The season hasn’t even started yet!" Makoto exclaimed 

“It’s because it’s by a private organization. Its 3 weeks from now, a lot of decent school are going to be completing, even some foreigners. I talked to the organizers, they rejected it at first but I managed to convince them. You’re in, Haruka-senpai!" Gou explained, all 5 of the boys listening to their awesome manager. 

“Wah! Haru you should thank Gou. She using her sex appeal again to help us out!” Nagisa beamed. Rin shot him a deadly glare which impressively enough Nagisa didn’t notice or either just didn’t care. But either way it wasn’t wise to provoke a shark.

“Its kou!” Gou snapped "And I just showed them Haru's track record and the training films we've taken so far" Gou continued, hands on her hips.

"That really is impressive Kou, you’re a really good manger you know that, right" Makoto flashed a beautiful smile that could make any girl's heart flutter. Now it was Makoto’s turn to receive a death glare from Rin but unlike Nagisa Makoto was much more sensitive.

"Oi Makoto! You flirting with my sister?!” Rin’s protective side coming out. He was the man of the house. 

"Eh! No! Rin t-that’s not it- I was just saying-" Makoto stuttered out, unable to string a sentence together under the full direct intensity that was Rin Matsuoka.

But luckily for him Nagisa was there to back him up, in a way, "Don’t worry Rin. Mako-chan already has Haru-chan. And we all know Mako-chan would never cheat on Haru-chan" which made Makoto’s face heat up once again.

Rin scoffed again “Damn straight. You don’t even deserve Kou in the first place.”

But for some whatever reason this made Makoto laugh. The type of laugh that was only born from true happiness. Makoto had been laughing more often lately.

Haru stopped and listen to Makoto’s laugh for a second before turning to Gou. 

“Thank you, Kou" Nodding slightly, a rare smile on his face. And for a second Gou’s heart fluttered again. That was the smile he usually reserved for Makoto or her brother it felt like an honor to be on the receiving end of it for once.  
"It’s no problem, Haruka-senpai." 

But how could Haru not smile. Everything was going his way for once.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a foreword: I know this chapter is bad. Capital BAD. Its badly written and the ending is a bit rushed. But life has been crazy and I'm at a point where I just want to move on.  
> Hope it didn't ruin this fic for ya

"Where’s Rei?” Makoto asked as Nagisa skipped next to him as they made their to the swim club. A certain blue haired athlete missing.

"Studying." Nagisa skipped a few steps in front of Makoto

Makoto chuckled a bit "You should try to join him sometimes you know, Nagisa."

"But it’s so boring, Mako-chan! Rei gets so annoying when he studies 'No, Nagisa using _this_ method. It has scientifically shown to improve cognitive simulation’" Nagisa whined, doing his best to mimic Rei before continuing

"Where’s Haru-Chan?”

"Swimming."

"Huh, again?!” Nagisa near yelled. Well he did actually yell pretty loudly.

Makoto laughed again at his over the top kohai.

"Yeah, he is really motivated this time."

Blinking once Nagisa stopping skipping to instead walk calmly next to Makoto staring slightly into the distance.

"Haru-Chan sure is something else, isn’t he?" Nagisa said softly, admiration clear in his voice.

"Yeah" Makoto breathed, staring at the blue sky that only reminded him more of Haru’s eyes “He sure is"

\---

Haru curled his body through the body, moving as if he was a part of the waves. He moved his arms with natural ease. He took a deep breath as his head broke the surface. He could hear the trashing of another swimmer right behind him, but it was too late as he stretched his arms out, slapping the pressure pad.

One or two seconds the swimmers behind him joined him as Haru used the lane dividers to stay afloat catching his breath.

"How did you beat me!?” Nagisa whined.

"He _is_ Haruka-senpai" Rei said pulling off his goggles, he too just finishing the race “it’s surprising he came in after Makoto-senpai and Rin-senpai even with his disadvantage."

It was true Rin had pressured all of them to have a mock free style race. Maybe it Rin was trying to see if he could still race Haru.

Of course Rin had come in first by a mile, Makoto coming in second and Haru becoming in third then Nagisa then Rei.

Haru was proud that he had beat Nagisa and Rei even if just by a bit, however the gap between him and Rin and Makoto where considerably bigger.

"Good job, Haru. I think that’s a personal best, right?" Makoto praised. Haru nodded to the orca next to him.

"It’s not good enough, you’re not going to go far with times like that." Rin said bluntly.

Haru flinched a little, he doubted anyone but Makoto would had noticed it though. Haru nodded again before turning to resume doing laps without saying another word.

"Hey! I wasn’t done yet!” Rin shouted but was silenced by a hand on his shoulder.

"Remember what you said? Haru is a monster, he gets faster and faster every time he swims." Makoto said smiling.

Rin growled under his breath "Yeah but that doesn’t mean he can’t get feedback."

"He probably wouldn’t listen at this point anyways, he’s too focused."

And for a while both of them watched Haru glide along the water effortlessly. He had come a long way since the accident but he still had a long way to go.

But there was no doubting it, Haru had been training harder lately. Throwing himself into training ever since he heard the news. Staying longer at the pool each day, rarely getting out of the pool before sundown, training harder and harder each time till his muscles ached in the morning.

It was just like it used to be. Before the accident.

Makoto and Rin couldn’t be prouder but sometimes they would worry about him, Haru did have a habit of going all in. He never did anything halfway. It was either all in or not at all. He could push himself too much.

The sun had almost finished its decent in the sky when Makoto walked back to the edge of the pool. Rin, Nagisa and Rei having gone home hours ago, only Makoto and Haru were left at the school pool.

Makoto walked to the edge of the pool, just watching the dark-haired boy, he had been training nonstop for about 6 hours now but still Makoto let him do two more laps knowing Haru still won’t want to leave so easily.

"Haru, time to go" Makoto said stretching his hand out for Haru as he reached the pad once again.

Haru looked like he was about to object but reached out to accept his hand with a small sigh. Makoto helped pull him out of the pool so he sat on the edge. Makoto passed him a towel which he accepted with a mumbled thank you before retrieving Haru's wheelchair. Haru quickly shrugged on a shirt, too lazy to change into proper pants for now.

"You ready?"

Haru hesitated for a bit before he said quietly,

"I should be”

Makoto didn’t like that hesitation.

\--

"Haruuuu-chan! Makooo-chan!!! Its Nagisa and Rei and Rin!!!!" Nagisa shouted, like he always does when he comes round to Haru’s house, followed by a series of loud knocks.

Makoto jumped at the sudden noise, nearly dropping the plates he was holding.

"Haru, can you get that while I set the table?"

"Sure." Haru said putting down the book he was reading in his wheelchair while Makoto set the table. It was the night before the big competition and somehow Nagisa had convinced all of them to have a team dinner to celebrate Haru’s return to competitive sports.

Haru wheeled himself to the front door easily, sliding it open, letting in the cool night air.

Nagisa immediately threw himself onto Haru.

"Hey Haru-chan!"

"Hey Nagisa" Haru returned the greeting in his normal monotonous voice.

"Nagisa can you not be so...clingy."

“But how else can I show my love to Haru-chan?" Nagisa whined looking up at the blue haired swimmer, who threw Haru an apologetic glance as he tried to peel the blonde off the former. Haru simply shrugged, he’d gotten used to Nagisa by now.

Rin rolled his eyes as he stepped into Haru’s house. The Iwatobi swim club was so different compared to the Samesuka team. Rin pushed past the group, Rei still trying to peel Nagisa off Haru.

"Yo Makoto. You need any help?" See the brunette setting the dinner table. Rin couldn’t help but smile. Makoto _was_ turning into Haru’s house wife.

"Oh! Hi Rin!" Makoto said looking up "sure. Can you grab those dishes from the kitchen?"

Rin casually walked into the kitchen but he couldn’t believe his eyes.

Mackerel. Every single dish was mackerel.

Rin cursed under his breath. He was really hoping for some proper meat tonight.

Begrudgingly, he took the plates out to where now the rest of the group waited.

"Seriously, Haru? Don’t you ever get tired of mackerel?! And have you ever heard of carbing up?!"

“No. And that what the rice is for."

Rin scoffed

"Here Rin I thought you’d like something else" Makoto said coming out of nowhere holding a big plate of beef.

"Thank goodness for the housewife" Rin couldn’t help saying, causing the boy in question to turn bright red.

"Wah! Makoto really got better in the kitchen!” Nagisa bounced up and down in his seat, waiting to eat.

“Actually Haru made most of it." He said sliding into his own chair.

"It’s really good that Haruka-senpai hasn’t given up his love of cooking."

"I would starve if I did" he said cheekily.

"Haru!!!!" Makoto whined as the former rolled up to the table. But how could he resist teasing Makoto, it was just too easy.

With that they all started to dig in, Rin telling Haru to eat as much as possible because he’s going to need the energy. At one point Rin and Haru even managed to turn eating into a competition. Each competing who could eat more beef or mackerel. But fortunately Makoto managed to stop it before too much mess could have been made.

“Aww I wish we could be there tomorrow!" Nagisa whined, mouth half full of food, before turning to Makoto "you sure we can’t skip school tomorrow?"

It was true, unfortunately Rei and Nagisa would not be able to make it to tomorrow’s meet because of school but on the other hand Rin and Makoto would, being Haru’s unofficial coaches and all.

Makoto smiled but shook his head "sorry Nagisa but I promise we’ll take a video of it."

Nagisa pouted a bit, no doubt formulating a plan on how to skip school.

“Is Haruka-senpai nervous for tomorrow?” Rei asked

Haru looked up at the mention of his name "Not really. It’s just like any other competition. And I don’t really care about winning, I just want to swim."

All of them smiled at that very Haru-like response

"Well, be sure to get at least 7 hours of sleep tonight"

“Thank you, Rei. I will"

“Remember Rei’s first competition? I bet you didn’t even get one hour of sleep." Nagisa chirped.

"Of course not!” Rei lied, readjusting his glasses in a weak attempt to hide his growing red face.

"Talking about sleep, Rin do you want to sleep over tonight? We’ve got to wake up really early tomorrow so it would be easier if e where all gathered already” Makoto said turning to face the red head.

"Nah, I’ve got to go back the dorms. Curfew and all, remember? But thanks.”

“Well, we’ll be cheering for you from school. Just remember we’ve always got your back, no matter what, even if you don’t swim anymore.” Nagisa said happily, shoving even more food into his mouth.

“Thanks but it’ll all useless if i can’t swim” Haru managed to say in a manner that left them all speechless for a second. They all didn’t know if he was joking or not. This coming from the boy that kept saying ‘the water is alive’.

The dead silence stretched on for one more second before Nagisa burst into laughter, Rei following by giving a small chuckle and Rin rolling his eyes.

But Makoto had a small frown on his face. He had no idea why but that sentence made his stomach do a nervous flip.

After that they all went back to eating, Nagisa chirping happily and the rest of the gang trying his best to keep up with him. All the while, Haru sat quietly, poking at his mackerel, feeling oddly on edge for some reason.

\---

After the rest of the gang left, Nagisa hugging Haru for a long time and Rei and Rin giving Haru some last advice before leaving. Makoto pulled his futon into Haru’s room as Haru changed into his pajamas.

Each crawling into their respective beds after they switched the lights off. But Haru couldn’t sleep. He lay there for who knows how long before testing the darkness.

"Makoto? You awake?" Haru said just loud enough for Makoto to hear but soft enough so that if he was asleep it wouldn’t disturb him.

"Yeah" Makoto sleepy voice came from somewhere in the darkness "Can’t sleep?"

Haru hummed. But thankfully Makoto sensed that Haru had something on his chest and kept quiet, giving Haru time to find his words.

"I-I’m scared, Makoto"

Immediately he saw the Makoto-shaped silhouette tense on the floor. Haru went back to staring at the ceiling

"What if I can’t do it Makoto? What if all this was for nothing-”

"Haru-chan" Makoto interrupted Haru’s destructive train of thought "I don’t ever want to hear you say that you can’t do anything. You’re so much stronger than I think you realize. Just look at all you’ve done so far."

Haru couldn’t help but squirmed. Makoto’s voice was oddly deep and low. It sounded kind of scary in the darkness but at the same time it filled Haru’s heart with warmth.

"Haru-chan?"

"Hmmm” Haru hummed again, not trusting own his voice now.

"Do you remember what you to me when we were children? About what you wanted to be when you grew up."

Haru didn’t even have to think about it to know immediately what Makoto was talking about. The memory of two children walking along the ocean popping into mind.

"...yeah" Haru breathed, reliving simpler times in his mind.

"Do you remember what I said?"

"Yeah" Haru said again. Remembering a small boys promise to his best friend. Haru smiled in the darkness.

Till this day Makoto had yet to break that promise.

"I still want you to achieve your dream. And I’m going to stand by you till then. Maybe even after."

Silence filled the space between them after that. Each thinking about their own things.

"Thank you" Haru said rolling on to his side to face Makoto.

"For what?" he said looking up from this place on the floor.

"Believing in me. That makes one of us.”

Makoto smiled, his smile looking like a bright light in the darkness.

"You still scared?" Makoto asked innocently enough.

"...Yes" Haru said quietly, but he wasn’t sure Makoto could hear him.

 _All I really know is that if I keep swimming everything will be alright_ Haru thought to himself trying his best to swallow the lump in his throat.

\----

 _"Haru-chan" came a high voice interrupting the dark haired boy’s thoughts. He was only mildly irritated, he’d been staring at the water. But he stopped from where he was walking a bit too close to the edge of the bay to look at his best friend._  
  
_"What you want to be when you grow up?" Makoto asked. Haru just stared at Makoto for a bit, sometimes he asked the most random question._  
  
_Haru turned back to the ocean, staring at the rolling waves as he thought._  
  
_“A mermaid. So I can swim forever."_  
  
_Makoto’s eyes went wide at the unexpected answer before he let out a small childish giggle earning him a glare from the other boy “that’s a very Haru like thing to say.”_  
  
_Makoto stared up at the sky as they continued to walk along the bay, he hadn’t noticed it before but haru always walked on the side closest to the ocean. Ever since that storm._  
  
_"What does Makoto want to be" Haru asked unexpectedly. He rarely ever started the conversation._  
  
_"Hmmm, probably something like a teacher or even a fireman will be cool. Something that helps people that’s for sure."_  
  
_"That’s a very Makoto like thing to say. Wishy washy" Haru said smirking just a bit._  
  
_"But I guess what I really want is to still by Haru-chan’s side when I grow up.” Makoto said in a way that sounded like what he just did had no significance. But the way Makoto turned just a bit to look at him straight in the eye, smiling ever so slightly made Haru’s heart stop. Haru nodded back to Makoto. he knew in that moment they had made a silent promise to each other. A promise neither of them intended to break._

\---

"Oh wow, you look like shit!" Rin said with a half smirk, half disapproving look on his face as he ran up, looking down at Haru who as per usual sat in his wheelchair.

The boy in question looked rekted. This hair was in a ness, his jacket was disheveled and most importantly he had giant dark circles under his eyes.

"Seriously, did you get any sleep last night?" Rin said placing a hand on his hip.

Haru rolled his eyes mumbling “Of course I did. Plus you’re late."

"The train was late" Rin said back which earned him a “yeah right” look from Haru. "So... where’s Makoto?" Rin said looking around but sure enough the 183cm wall of muscles was no were to be seen.

But as if on cue a familiar voice rang through the parking lot in front if the stadium.

“Hey Rin! I hope I didn’t keep you guys waiting?” He said as if it wasn’t Rin who had been 30 minutes late.

"Nah. What are those?" Rin head nodded towards the two cups in Makoto’s hands as he ran up.

"Coffee. For Haru. He didn’t sleep too well last night" Makoto passed one of the cups to Haru who mumbled a thank you, getting a smile back from Makoto. “And one for you, Rin. I know you’ve never been much of a morning person, so I thought you’d be grumpy" Makoto said holding the second cup up to Rin.

Rin just stared for a bit. Before smirking an all knowing smirk taking the cup from Makoto. Of course the team mom had gotten them all coffee but not one himself. Always looking out for people.

Rin took a long sip of the hot coffee. Shuddering at the sudden energy boost in his indeed tired system, licking his lips.

"Shall we? Haru’s heat starts at 11.30. Which gives us about 25 mins to warm up and get registered."

Makoto doubled checked his own watch before nodding. They all knew the drill by now, having gone many competitions before.

They quickly decided that Haru should go change while Makoto and Rin would help him register to conserve some time. Rolling off the locker room, Haru quickly changed into his jammers and sports jacket. Having the intelligence to struggle into his jammers at home so he wouldn’t need to flail into it in a public locker room.

But as he started to roll out of the locker room, snickering immediately caught his attention.

Haru casually glanced around till his eyes met with a group of swimmers standing not too far away. Haru recognized their jackets. Blue and gold. Iwami Academy. He remembered Rin talking about them once, they weren’t exactly a powerhouse like Samezuka, but they weren’t weak either, they also happened to have a reputation of being total and completely arrogant. But worst of all they were currently walking towards haru with a dangerous look in their eyes.

Haru tried to casually roll away like it want nothing to him. But honestly all the looks and side glances he’d gotten that day really affected him to the core, putting him on edge and racking his nerves. Looking around for Makoto or Rin who had been helping him register, Haru suddenly jerked forward. Wiping around he saw an unknown face staring down at him wicked smile on his face, haru forced himself to stare back but was finding it harder than normal.

A heard a small click that he immediately recognized as his wheelchairs lock brakes. Haru felt a lick of fear than. He was trapped. About 4 or 5 boys towered around Haru, coming into his space, blocking the light casting shadows over him.

He had never felt so small in his life.

Instantly Haru lowered his gaze to stare at his lap as fear began to consume him.

"You’re Haruka Nanase, right"

Haru gave the smallest of nodded, desperately trying to keep a straight face. Anything to hide how scared he was.

But suddenly he felt a hand grip his chin, lifting his head so he was forced to stare to the main guy’s eyes. Haru tried to shake free of the grip but he was held fast with a string grip to his chin. The boy in front of him smile, haru felt chills go down his spin as he moved closer and closer to him till he could feel hot breath playing over his skin

"It’s useless you know?"

Haru’s could feel himself go tense

"I don’t even know why you try. Its meaningless (for someone like you) to race me" he said painfully/mockingly slow, playing with/Dragging out each syllable his smile only growing bugger at haru discomfort/distress.

"What can a cripple do?"

Haru’s eyes went Wide. Satisfied, the boy painfully shoved Haru face away, staring down at the crippled boy before laughing and turning to go.

Haru sat there shaking for a while, just staring at his lap. The boy laughter and words just kept echoing in his mind. What made Haru feel worse that the boy wasn’t lying.

Taking a deep breath, Haru forced himself to calm down. He reached down and forced his brakes off, pushing himself to the main area.

"There you are!"

"what the hell took you so long"

Makoto and Rin shouted at the same time as they saw Haru wheeling himself slowly from the locker room.

"I-I’m sorry" Haru mumbled not really looking back at either of them.

Rin looked down at him with a weird look. That a very un-Haru like thing to say but he shook his head, clearing his mind. He had to focus on the race. He was the coach after all. And if he couldn’t race haru, hell sure as hell make sure haru won.

"Men's 100m freestyle please report to the starting blocks"

All three raised their heads to catch the announcement.

Rin smiled at Haru, stepping closer so he could slap his friends shoulder. Hard. Haru rubbed his shoulder glancing up at Rin.

"Well that’s it. I’ll be racing you next time so make sure you give it your all/I’d say good luck but you don’t need it" Rin winked slapping him again. More playfully this time though. Before he turned and started walking to the coach’s area.

"Hey Haru?" Makoto slid his own hand on to Haru’s shoulder, a stark different to Rin “Are you okay?"

Haru tensed again.

Sometimes he could swear Makoto was a mind reader.

Taking a deep breath, Haru slowly shook his head, head downturned a bit.

Immediately Makoto was squatting in front of him, so that Makoto was no longer looking down at him but roughly on the same level now

Haru lifted his hand for Makoto to see. It was shaking and no matter what Haru tried he couldn’t make it stop.

"I have no idea why I’m so nervous. I don’t care about them” Haru said with a sad chuckle, but it was void of any mirth, staring down at his own hand before letting his eyes slip closed. Blocking out the world.

But his eyes shot open again as he felt another pair of hands wrap around his own. His own blue eyes were met by Makoto’s wonderful green abysses.

Haru felt Makoto give his hands a slight squeeze.

"There’s nothing left to do now except to swim Haru." Makoto said still staring up at Haru. "And I - we'll be waiting at the finish line " Makoto said with a smile.

Haru nodded feeling himself calm down just a bit. But not enough.

He felt Makoto squeeze his hand a bit tighter one more time before standing.

Haru stared at the boy in front of him. He was smiling now. But then he saw it. A small scar on Makoto’s cheek. Just a faint line of lighter colored skin, barely even there but it racked haru with guilt. He’d almost forgotten Makoto got hurt because of Haru. He was the one always there. He had 100 percent faith in him. But what has he done for Makoto expect for waste his time and cause problems.

"...Yeah, thanks Makoto" Haru said quietly. Makoto smiled at him but it seemed a little forced, like he was not fully convinced.

Makoto opened his mouth but stopped himself. Giving a sharp nod before turning to join Rin.

Haru stared at Makoto’s back than to the water. Before starting to push himself to the starting block. He slightly prayed that Iwami weren’t in his heat.

Haru stared at the water but for some reason it felt more...incomplete today. The usual peace that haru gets from water complexly gone, this time replaced by the pounding in his chest and the numbness in his hands.

As Haru reached the starting station an official came up to him, but Haru looked past him searching for Iwami Academy. Haru tensed up as he saw him. The main boy from earlier, the one that grabbed his chin. And he was staring straight at Haru a sort of arrogant look in his eye.

"Mr. Nanase where you listening you me " the official asked, sounding slightly irritated

"Huh?” Haru said ripping his focus for the Iwami boy to the official who gave a sigh.

“I said that you’ll be given a slight head start because of your... disadvantage" he said, checking his clipboard.

Haru found his gaze finding its way back the Iwami boy.

 _A head start? You better take it cripple. You’ll need it._ Was written all over his face.

"I don’t need it"

The official looked genuinely shocked at Haru’s unexpected reply.

"Are you sure" he said. Even he was doubting Haru.

The official shook his head before crossing something out on his clipboard. Haru nearly missed the way he glanced back at him, pity in his eyes.

Haru couldn’t feel anything but hurt.

Haru always gave his everything all his life. Giving all or nothing.

But still…

He was always chasing. Chasing Rin. Chasing his dream.

It all seemed so far away now.

Haru stared at the water again. Eyes narrowing slightly.

_Swimming is all I have._

"On your mark"

Haru snapped out of his thought wheeling himself to his starting block. An official stepped forward to help him but haru declined as politely he could. As Haru pushed himself off of his chair so he sat on the edge of the block. He heard snickering form the side again, Haru forced himself not to look as he used his hands to move his legs so that he was facing the water. He could feel the eyes of all the other competitors on him.

"Get set"

Haru leaned forward. They hadn’t figured out a way for him to start well yet so he’d have to make up for lost ground later. Haru stared at the water infront of him. He wanted to feel it. Needed to.

"Go"

Haru pushed of and for a split second time slowed as he dived for the water. As he hit the surface he sprang into action. Moving his arms. His chest. His hips. Haru did a check to his sides and surprisingly there were swimmers next to him. He could do this.

But as the race drew on the swimmers pulled further and further away. Haru pushed himself but no matter what he did he couldn’t catch up.

_I can’t. I can’t._

He couldn’t feel it anymore

\---

Makoto and Rin watched from the sides

"Get set"

They each watched Haru lean forward a bit

"Go"

The crowds erupted, but neither of them cared as Rin elbowed Makoto in his excitement as they watched Haru swim.

The both smiled at each other as Haru kept pace with the pack.

The two teenagers got weird looks from all the other trainers who were all business than came these two rascals nearly jumping in excitement.

But slowly Haru started to lag behind, the lack getting further and further away.

"He can get the ground back" Rin whispered more too himself than anything. But makoto didn’t hear him he was just watching Haru. He was struggling.

Then he felt his heart drop

Haru had stopped. Right in the middle of the lane. But without his legs he couldn’t support himself and his head fell below the surface. He remerged in second trashing for the lane dividers. Coughing and shaking. The once cheering crowd had immediately silenced, only gasps and whispers could be heard as all eyes lay on Haruka.

Before he knew what he was doing, Makoto was running forward only stopping only to kick off his shoes before diving into the pool. He could hear some objection from official as he started to swim under the lane dividers but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Haru. He needed him now. All he needed was to get to him. To protect him.

Makoto was there in seconds, his clothes sticking to him awkwardly as he wrapped him shaking friend. His heart hurting now that he saw how bad it was.

"Hey hey I’m here. Haru just breathe" Makoto whispered, pulling the boy close to him chest not caring that they were in front of more than 100 people. Right now all that Makoto cared about was Haru.

Shaky hands clung to Makoto’s shirt as if it was the only thing keeping him from being swept away. Makoto could easily stand on the bottom of the pool readily received haru supporting his friend.

Haru shook his head violently side to side burying his face even deeper into Makoto’s chest covering his eyes with one of his hand/hiding his face.

"I can’t. Makoto I can’t. I can’t”

Haru kept repeating like a mantra. He sounded so scared and desperate that it made Makoto want to cry. He hated seeing Haru like this.

"Shhhh its fine. I’m here, just breathe okay. Don’t worry about anything else." Makoto said in the most soothing voice he could muster, gently stroking the top of Haru’s wet hair. Holding him even closer.

They stayed like that for what seemed like forever. Makoto silently thanked Rin who was going a good job of keeping officials and camera at bay (probably something to do with shark teeth) as he whispered soft comforting words into Haru’s ear.

Once Haru had calmed down just a bit. His breath was still unsteady and his grip on Makoto’s shirt and only tighter but at least he had stopped shaking

"Hey Haru. Do you wanna finish the race?"

Immediately Haru tensed again.

"I can’t"

Makoto gave Haru a small smile.

"I know you can do this Haru I believe in you. I’m here. We can finish it up together do you want to finish it but we don’t have to" he said, but he didn’t move, not pushing any further. Not doing anything Haru didn’t want to do. If Haru wanted to continue he’ll help him but if Haru wanted to stop then and there Makoto wouldn’t fault him for it, he’d just proud of him for trying. They stood there for another second Makoto waiting patiently for Haru answer before Haru gave a small timid nod.

Makoto nodded back before adjusting his hold on Haru so that he could slowly wade backwards. Haru still clinging to him and hiding his face. The process was slow and not the least graceful but they eventually got to the other end.

"Come on Haru, you go first" Makoto said stepping slightly to let haru reach out a hand delicately touching the pad. Makoto smoothed his hair again whispering "you did it, Haru"

"Haru!" Rin near shouted from the edge reaching down for the dark haired swimmer. Allowing Rin to take his hand, he and Makoto helped him out of the pool, a towel immedicably wrapped around his shoulder.

Big red eyes full of concern stared at him as he say on the floor, he had starting shaking again. But haru wasn’t looking at that he was looking at everyone else. And everyone was looking at him. Everyone was judging how he failed. He couldn’t take it. All he wanted to do is curl into a ball and hide. But just as he was about to get overwhelmed again a large frame stepped in-between him and the world. Makoto. He’d positioned himself in a way so that nobody could get a clear look at him.

Haru stared at his too friends. Eyes going wide as he finally realized something.

"Haru!" Both of them shouted as haru started to break down. (Tears streaming down his face.)

\--

Rin lay in his lay in his bed more exhausted hand if he had run 30 km. That day had been crazy. After haru started crying he and Makoto had whisked him away. Jumping onto the first train back. Luckily by than haru had stopped crying but he still refused to talk much, silently sipping on the water Rin had given him. They’d dropped him at his house and he quietly said he just wanted to rest for now. And that was where Rin was now. Laying in his dorm, worry morphing into anger as he was left with a thousand unanswered questions.

Rin stared at his phone for a full 20 mins before sitting up and snatching it up from where it lay on his desk.

Not knowing was killing him. But he sure as hell couldn’t ask Haru directly (not yet at least) so who do you go to find more about Haruka Nanase. Makoto Tachibana of course.

R: Hey Makoto! I need to explain this to me! What the hell happened?

There was a long pause and for a second Rin thinks Makoto was avoiding him too before a small chime came from his phone.

M: I can’t say for sure. I haven’t talked to him yet

Rin scowled

R: Fine. Than tell me what you think about it

M: I think he was scared

R: What the hell does that mean?

There was another long pause. Rin could almost feel Makoto thinking from all the way here before his phone chimed again.

M: He trained so hard but still couldn’t keep up he finally realized that world was lost to him now. Haru’s always been the best in the water the place where he felt most comfortable. But I guess he feels like he can’t truly connect with the water anymore and that scared him it’s like he lost a bit of himself.

R: Yeah but he was doing alright!

M: I think we missed the signs

Holy shit was Makoto really blaming this on himself

M: I think when he saw that he was falling behind that Iwami. He saw his dream slipping away.

It was like me when I raced Haru.

R: Why did you race haru?

M: Eh-um I wanted to prove to myself that I was worthy to stay by his side.

But that’s not important t right now

Rin couldn’t help but growl, he had played a small part in that and couldn’t stop feel guilty. But that’s for another time. Filing away those thought for another time before practically jabbing in this next text.

R: But Haru doesn’t care about winning!!

M: You should have seen him last year when he lost to you.

R:...

R:Yeah but’s that’s because it was me! Haru does care about other people

M: Haru has always been the best in the water

Makoto said it like that explained everything and if Rin thought about it, a way it actually did.

\---

It felt like he’d been here before

Standing outside his best friend’s house, hand hovering just centimeters away from the door afraid/nervous to knock.

But he was determined not to let it drag out as long as it did the last time. Makoto took a deep breath before sliding open the door. Seriously he should learn to lock his door someday.

"Haru, I’m her-” Makoto stopped sentence as he caught sight of the dark haired boy sitting in his living room, seemingly reading a book.

Haru turned at the nosie and Makoto felt himself tense up a bit, he was prepared Haru to be curled up in bed, not sitting leisurely in his living room, but what was most surprisingly was that Haru was smiling.

"It took you long enough" Haru said letting down his book as Makoto walked into the room settling down on the opposite side of Haru so they were facing each other.

"S-sorry" Makoto stumbled not knowing what else to say.

"I need to talk to you" Haru stared at Makoto with monotonous expression. Makoto desperately searched Haru for any signs, the smallest quiver of his lip or redness of his eyes to see if he’d was going to break down. Haru seemed fine but still Makoto had an uneasy feeling about this. Haru was rarely the one who initiated their talks.

"I have just realized something" said in a cool voice "It doesn’t matter of I never swimming again-"

"Haru!” Makoto couldn’t stop himself from shouting. He felt a chill go down his spine this was what he feared most. Haru giving up what he loved again just when he got it back "you can't -" but Makoto immediately silenced himself as haru gave him a stare that he indicated that he wasn’t done talking yet. Makoto stayed silently letting haru find his words again/start over the squirming a bit where he sat, uneasy feeling worse

"It doesn’t matter if I never swim again because if Makoto still here it still holds meaning. If you and Rin Nagisa and Rei are all with me I won’t be incomplete."

Makoto’s expression slowly morphed from one of shock to pure happiness. He was practically glowing.

"Haru-chan!" Makoto yelled as he threw himself onto Haru holding him tightly in a hug, laughing.

It took Haru a second to overcome his own shock before he too wrapped his own arms around Makoto. Haru let a little sigh, he felt so light for once as he let his eyes slip close as he buried his face in Makoto’s chest a small smile on his lips.

\---

Epilogue (a year later)

Mrs. Nanase cleared the kitchen table with practiced efficiency. She could hear her husband working in the next room. As she went about her chores her mind started to wonder like it did so often now a days. She often thought about their son. She should probably check on him it had been a month since they last talked.

Mrs. Nanase strolled into their living room dusting her hands off/ darting her hand of slightly. Mrs. Nanase rolled her eyes, her husband had left the TV on again. Picking up the remote she was about switch it off when a familiar looking dark haired boy appeared on screen.

"Honey! Come quick" Mrs. Nanase called her husband as Haruka swam across the TV screen.

"What is it" Mr. Nanase said walking up, rubbing his back, painful from all that sitting he does no doubt. But she doesn’t have to answer as her husband followed her gaze. His eyes going wide with awe similar to his wife.

They watched with amazement and pride as their son swam faster than they could have ever expected/seen. He over took one person than 2 than 3. And before they knew it he had slapped his hand against the wall and came to a stop.

The couple looked at each other smiles wide on both their faces. Haru had did it. 3rd in a competition, their son had won.

They looked back to the screen just as Makoto helped their son out of the pool.

The camera thankfully going in a close up as Makoto pulled haru into a big hug spinning them both around. Smiles on both of the boy’s face clearly visible before both of them are swarmed by 3 other boys that the couple didn’t recognize but they couldn’t stop their hearts from swelling with happiness to because before than they had Never seen Haru so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp. I'm sorry I'm so super late for this chapter, life was crazy. But this is the end of this thing. Thank you for sticking to the end and following along for the ride, I hope you liked it even if just a little bit.  
> Again feedback and kudos are always welcome
> 
> P.s The ending is kinda inspired by the actual canon and Derek Redmond  
> and yup I made a reference to the town that Iwatobi is based on

**Author's Note:**

> If your reading this that means that you probably finished reading this so Thank You so much for giving it a shot and I hope you like it \\(^u^)/  
> I'm not very good at writing all this emotional stuff so feedback or comments on my writing are always welcome  
> That said Kudos and Comments always make my day
> 
> I will probably have the next chapter up end of next week if everything goes well. So I'll see you then


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